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January 9, 2012

They say what does not kill you only makes you stronger. I thought about this phrase and realized that well since HIV has not killed me…I should start looking for strengths it has created within me. At first, I struggled a bit but once I got started, the list kept growing. I struggled because deep down I’m still bitter for having the virus, not just bitter, angry too. I know a lot of promiscuous people and somehow they have managed to stay HIV free, somehow they seem to have it all… but do they? Really? Going back to my list…

I have always known about God but never really knew him. The only time I spoke to him was when I was reciting a prayer I learned since I was three years old, the prayer I had no idea what it meant. HIV made God to be my best friend, it taught me to have meaningful conversations with him, it taught me to see myself as God sees me.

I learned to see death for what it really is, an end of a cycle and nothing to be feared. Before my diagnosis, I was terrified of death, I didn’t even want to think about it. All that changed 5 years after my diagnosis… I embraced death the same way I embrace life.

Speaking of life, HIV taught me how to live… ironic I know, the very thing that was meant to kill me taught me how to live and not just exist. The more I lived, the more I was happy and the more I was happy, the more I got healthier, the more I got healthier, the more I dreamed, the more I dreamt, the more I strived, and the more I strived, the more I achieved, and the more I achieved, the more I lived.

Most importantly I leaned how to love, to forgive, to be kind, to be patient, to be accepting. The list is so long but what I’m trying to say is dear Diva, look for the beautiful strength in you and celebrate it.

I want to thank you for you blogs, your e-mails, sms’s and crazy phone calls I have with some of you. I never feel very lonely because I have loving sisters all over the world, I’d like to mention you by names but ya’ll are too many.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. Pearl permalink
    January 9, 2012 11:39 am

    what an encouragement, if you dont mind kindly give me youe email address to contact you and request that you assist me with fears that am currently undergoing.

  2. Olushola permalink
    January 9, 2012 12:39 pm

    Blessing, you are indeed a blessing to my spirit. Thanks I think I felt the same way

  3. January 9, 2012 2:37 pm

    AGLM is blessed and honored to have your voice and passion! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and strength!

  4. barely_coping permalink
    January 11, 2012 12:24 pm

    Indeed what does not kill you, makes you stronger. What you are saying about appreciating life more because of the virus is so true its like you are echoing my sentiments exactly. Recently I have been in a rut BUT some introspection knocked a lot of sense into me. Thoughts of death occupied my mind but I realized that I actually have no power over that. Only God will decide when its time for me to cross over. Why would I want to die before I actually lived?

    The strength to live and realize our dreams is within us. Thank you for the words of encouragement and may that list be longer and longer with positive things.


  5. sara permalink
    January 14, 2012 4:26 am

    sometimes it seems as if tomorrow is d late yr but God is faithful.Lets keep hope alife

  6. January 28, 2012 12:59 am

    You are such a blessing to the world! May your Creator continue to lead and direct your path.

  7. February 7, 2012 1:25 pm

    Girl, quite an awesome spirit you have there. I’m addicted to your blogs they are so inspiring. Would love to have a one on one talk with you VERY soon.

    Keep Well

  8. February 19, 2012 2:25 am

    Dear you are such are BLESSING to alot of sisters in AGLM, I am reply blessed when going through your post. GOD WILL NEVER FAIL YOU EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT FAITHFUL TO HIM, HE IS ALWAYS THERE IN TIMES OF NEED.

    love & hugs, jace

  9. Renee permalink
    February 26, 2012 11:33 am

    Blessings if don’t mind kindly can I have your email to help under go my fears of being newly diagnosed……..

  10. Khadijat permalink
    March 21, 2012 11:14 am

    What an encouragement? Thanks for sharing your wisdom and strength! It is well with us.


  11. Lebza permalink
    May 21, 2012 7:50 am

    I am based in Johannesburg and would like to joing your circle of friends around.Can I your emails address. You are truely an inspiration to me.

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