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The Big Decision

August 29, 2011

Since I moved to India after my diagnosis in October 2010, I had my third set of tests. In the last ten months my cd4 count has dropped from 880 to 540. For the first time my tests reflected a detectable viral load and seeing that my heart sank. In my months of reading about HIV, I found out that for many people the CD4 count drops gradually over a period of years, but unfortunately that does not seem to be the case for me. However, I have not been ill so far and my appetite seems to be fine. In fact, I have gained a few pounds in the last few months. I was confused. My numbers seem to be declining rapidly. My body felt fine, but the results didn’t look so great!!

However, this time I brought up the most important topic with my doctor- Am I ready to have a baby? A few months ago I was confused, but thanks to all the words of encouragement I had seen in the earlier posts I had made up my mind about what I wanted. To my relief, my doctor did not discourage me at all. He said if I was ready to start my meds then I can go ahead and plan my baby. Straight from the doctor, I rushed to the fertility clinic. My husband was right next to me. After hours of waiting without an appointment, I met the gynecologist. I explained my situation to her, and also that I cannot conceive through my husband and have to go through insemination through a sperm donor. She said that I need to first finish my prescribed hepatitis b vaccination and then come back to her, meanwhile she will need to put together the disposable instruments she will require in my case.

While I am so happy and looking forward to my next visit, I am also hoping and praying that everything goes well and that the facilities in my country are well equipped to help me through this big decision that I have taken. Last week, my husband and me completed 4 years of our marriage. Praying in my heart for God to grant us this precious gift of parenthood for our next anniversary.

Regards,

Sonia

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. August 30, 2011 12:42 pm

    Sonia, all my best to you and your journey. You will be successful and have the child you wish for. Just keep believing. All is possible.

    Love,

    Lynn

  2. September 7, 2011 6:20 am

    Sonia, i am praying for you and i know one day you will have blessings of a child. i am in a situation too that has to do with another child and yet the father lives miles away but i know that all will happen when its supposed to happen. we only do our best and God does the rest. Be blessed

  3. lovegirl permalink
    September 8, 2011 3:48 pm

    I pray for u and for me too since i am 28 and are childless. I am scared to even think about having a baby because i see a lot of sick babies and i cant bear the thought of being responsible for inflicting a lifetime of pain and suffering to my baby.

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