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The Big Decision

August 29, 2011

Since I moved to India after my diagnosis in October 2010, I had my third set of tests. In the last ten months my cd4 count has dropped from 880 to 540. For the first time my tests reflected a detectable viral load and seeing that my heart sank. In my months of reading about HIV, I found out that for many people the CD4 count drops gradually over a period of years, but unfortunately that does not seem to be the case for me. However, I have not been ill so far and my appetite seems to be fine. In fact, I have gained a few pounds in the last few months. I was confused. My numbers seem to be declining rapidly. My body felt fine, but the results didn’t look so great!!

However, this time I brought up the most important topic with my doctor- Am I ready to have a baby? A few months ago I was confused, but thanks to all the words of encouragement I had seen in the earlier posts I had made up my mind about what I wanted. To my relief, my doctor did not discourage me at all. He said if I was ready to start my meds then I can go ahead and plan my baby. Straight from the doctor, I rushed to the fertility clinic. My husband was right next to me. After hours of waiting without an appointment, I met the gynecologist. I explained my situation to her, and also that I cannot conceive through my husband and have to go through insemination through a sperm donor. She said that I need to first finish my prescribed hepatitis b vaccination and then come back to her, meanwhile she will need to put together the disposable instruments she will require in my case.

While I am so happy and looking forward to my next visit, I am also hoping and praying that everything goes well and that the facilities in my country are well equipped to help me through this big decision that I have taken. Last week, my husband and me completed 4 years of our marriage. Praying in my heart for God to grant us this precious gift of parenthood for our next anniversary.



3 Comments leave one →
  1. August 30, 2011 12:42 pm

    Sonia, all my best to you and your journey. You will be successful and have the child you wish for. Just keep believing. All is possible.



  2. September 7, 2011 6:20 am

    Sonia, i am praying for you and i know one day you will have blessings of a child. i am in a situation too that has to do with another child and yet the father lives miles away but i know that all will happen when its supposed to happen. we only do our best and God does the rest. Be blessed

  3. lovegirl permalink
    September 8, 2011 3:48 pm

    I pray for u and for me too since i am 28 and are childless. I am scared to even think about having a baby because i see a lot of sick babies and i cant bear the thought of being responsible for inflicting a lifetime of pain and suffering to my baby.

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