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I can’t give up now

April 6, 2010

Well today at 13:07 (1:07 pm), I took a home pregnancy test and the result was positive.  For five years I thought I had this condom thing perfected.  I am scared, shocked and all the other words that can go with it.  I don’t know if my body will be strong enough.  I still need to break the news to my husband (who might be happy, who knows) and my doctor (who is going to throw a fit).  You guys are the first to know, probably because I don’t have to explain the fears that are in my mind right now to you.

I trust God will hold my hand and guide me through this journey. 

“Can’t Give Up Now” by Mary Mary

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it’s up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can’t give up now
I’ve come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don’t believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn’t be trials
Never said I would’t fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I’ll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong….”

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Jae001 permalink
    April 7, 2010 12:26 am

    Congratulations, you have already been through this once, here you go again. There are always new protocols coming out when it comes to medications & pregnancy… talk to your doctor & your husband. Good luck with the new addition. You have alot to stay healthy for, next time you might consider a more permenant solution to birth control… As I did after my youngest was born, found out the hard way that condoms don’t always work. Still use them, just playing it safer being sterilized also. Still had a wonderful pregnancy. My son is 14 years old now and healthy. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
    Good Luck

    • Ghaji Badawi permalink
      April 22, 2010 7:36 am

      Dear Jae
      Do you mean that you have hiv the last 14 years? Please tell me how women with hiv can stay that long alive and happy. i am inspire!

  2. marcia permalink
    April 7, 2010 2:39 am

    Hello love,

    You said it all through the words of that strong, keep strong and you know what? God allowed it knowing that you will be able to handle it otherwise He would not have, girl, remember that children are a gift from Him besides He is the only one who imparts life. So enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and once again congragulations! We are all looking forward to a healthy baby.

    Lots of luv.

  3. Nomfundo Thabetha permalink
    April 8, 2010 11:10 am

    You might sit where u are and think your alone on this one. Truth is your never alone he never gives you baggage that you’ll never be able top handle.Take the necessary medication and bring the soul into this world,take care of yourself and all will work well.

  4. Ghaji Badawi permalink
    April 22, 2010 7:39 am

    I am just suprised to hear Jae saying that she had a baby 14 years ago and i wondered was she hiv positive that long?

  5. Vanash Makau permalink
    May 15, 2010 7:52 am

    Thanx.You inspired me.I have faith in God and have faith that all your wishes will come true concerning your baby.What a mighty God we save.I could have died, I was a right off but here I am sitting here writing to you because God is great,the God of miracles.Yes we cant give uo now.

  6. June 4, 2010 4:57 pm

    Well, I for one can’t actually say that I can feel what you are feeling, at least, not for the same situation. But, yes, I can imagine how torn up your nerves are right now. Things WILL work out, and as they say this too shall pass. But, I will be praying for you as you have to go through the situation one way or another. God is with you, and I pray that you feel His comfort, and love through this whole thing. God Bless

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